“Ma’am, would you like the privacy of a room, or would you like me to check you here?” 

You’re not getting me into any room, Babe, I thought to myself, but I politely said, “Check me here, I don’t have time to waste.” Honest to Pete, she felt me up, looked me straight in the eye and said, “Sometimes it’s just the way you stand or the crease in your jeans,” and smiled. It was the only smile I got throughout all of TSA (Totally Stupid …Okay I’ll keep it family friendly.)

I shook my head and walked away. What a way to get your jollies. No wonder that guard was so pissed off about being demoted! I am SO flying out of Oakland FROM NOW ON!

I redressed, headed to my boarding gate, and just laughed.

See, no hard feelings, I have got a Straight to paddle!